The Fear

i don’t know what’s right and what’s real anymore
i don’t know how i’m meant to feel anymore
when do you think it will all become clear?
‘cuz i’m being taken over by the fear




forget about guns and forget ammunition
cause i’m killing them all on my own little mission
now i’m not a saint but i’m not a sinner
now everything's cool as long as i’m getting thinner

Atatürk

Atatürk... A great leader. We owe so much to him. Here, i'll focus not on his leading abilities or his life but i'll tell you what i felt when drawing this portray of him. First of all, his appearance is a short summary of his personality, i think.Behind sharp and characteristic facial expressions of him- especially the eyebrows- and his serious image,his glimmerring eyes are enlightening the whole area. The curvature on the left side of his mouth is softening the strict appearance and adds clemency and kindness, still keeping the fatherly authoritarian and humanistic image.

What i'd say about his portay's language would be: Tough but sensitive.

It seems like he's looking to you, focusing on you, just yourself but nothing, and seeing your heart, reading what's on your mind, understanding how you feel. Those sharp but shiny looks he throw are giving me courage, i don't know if everyone feels this but i feel stronger after a glance to his portray. It's as if he's watching me.

Atatürk has a very unusual face. It's so hard to reflect his symmetry on paper. I can say that the most challenging drawing i've done up to now is his portray. Even if you think you draw exactly what you see on the original photo of him, and even if you really draw it right, still something missing remains there. A part is missing, in this picture i drew, too. For now, this is the best i can do but maybe in future, after i find out the mystery i'll be able to reflect Atatürk to paper using my chalk again, with everything, without a missing part.

Emotion

I drew this looking at the cover of a book af mine. The image really influenced me at first sight because this expression of the woman seems so sincere and genuine. It's so real and down to earth bu at the same time delusive and fantastic. I thought why i especially liked this image and concluded that it reflects a part of me.

I'm not a pessimistic person at all, in fact i can say that i'm a real optimist.I always try to see and understand all aspects of life, but focus on positive sides to have a positive duration while i 'm alive, and positive results. However, my senses are so sharp and emotions are intense. I think this helps me being creative but at the same time, hurts in specific situations. Anyways, i think every person creates his/her own world and what you really believe is your reality whatever others say or think. This doen't mean ignoring others' ideas or beliefs- the opposite. I respect the people who dare to find their own truth, their own dreams ,set their goal and chase without giving up.

When i get upset about something, i usually prefer to be alone and think, maybe crt for a while, listen music-especially the types that really touch me, draw sketches, create something or sleep. This short-term depressions may be fruitful sometimes. Like the woman in the picture, i just standstill and think, trying to understand what i feel, why i'm sad and why things turned out this way that upset me. Most of the people can argue with people- their friends, family,boyfriend/ girlfriend or the person who they think caused them to be unhappy to get discharged and blame them for everything. When i'm upset, i just don't want to talk. ı usually don't yell others, don't blame anyone, the first one that i blame would be myself.Therefore, i don't hurt people when i'm angry or sad, i hurt myself!! It's kind of weird and maybe funny, and this doesn't mean that i'm not agressive time to time and hurt others unfortunately.But most of the time, i try to get over it myself, because it's something to do with me and i know that i have to work on it what's in my brain and heart at first, when i have a problem. Then i calm down a little, share it with others and discharge myself in second step,after being just myself and thinking. Since i'm an optimistic person, as i told before, in the end i turn back to normal and be my old self again:)

What do you do when you feel sad? How do you deal with it?

My babies:My drawings:)

I drew this picture while i was in my exchange year in United States, in the arts class of my high school. I was really glad to see that my arts teacher liked it a lot. The portray belongs to someone famous, acutually. Just guess who this woman is in the picture!

I used black chalk to draw it and used my finger, sometimes a piece of cotton for making shady areas.

Just a hint: The famous Holywood star in the picture can be recaognized easier,somehow magically, if you focus on the LEFT eye (w.r.t yourself!!)